Dark of the Moon

I don't believe Michael Bay has ever met a special effect he didn't like or an object he didn't want to blow up. For those fans of Michael Bay you are gonna get more of the same, maybe even a little darker than his attempts before. For those of you who are fans of non-stop action and that is all you need from a movie than by all means stop reading here and enjoy the film. I am not a Michael Bay fan and maybe that bias gets in the way, but good lord was this a dumb movie.

The film opens up with the audience discovering that the reason we went to the moon was to find Cybertronian technology before those damn Sputniks. With the back story out of the way we find ourselves cut back to present day with an up-skirt shot of Rosie Huntington-White. She represents the new beau in the movie since Megan Fox was replaced, and I can only imagine Rosie was cast due to her extensive acting past. Well she just so happens to be pretty easy on the eyes as well and Bay makes sure you get plenty of gratuitous shots of her throughout the movie.

After she finishes climbing the stairs in just a button down shirt we see that our hero Sam Witwicky is in a difficult situation again and despite saving the world twice still cannot find a job. Somehow despite having incredibly hot women at his feet and a talking car at his fingers he always opens the movie like a whiney little bitch, and this time he may be at his whiniest. Not only does Shia Lebeouf return as our leading man, but he is also accompanied by annoying miniature sidekicks again. This time they are not the semi-racist mini coopers from the second one, but rather they are even tinier, mostly pocket sized. While frustrating that Bay still felt he needed to include campy sidekicks in this movie, at least this time they aren’t as annoying.

Not all the actors in the movie are completely atrocious. In fact there are a lot of big names in bit parts that seem to be in on the joke and are completely okay with hamming it up and being a little extra ridiculous. John Turturro, Frances McDormand, John Malkovich, Ken Jeong, and a personal favorite Alan Tudyk all have some great moments in the movie and help bring some intended laughs to the screen.

There are plenty of laughable moments in the movie, mostly due to the writing of Ehren Kruger and the one liners delivered by the cast. Throughout the movie there were many cringe worthy moments that had many people laughing at what was transpiring on the screen. It was as if Kruger’ had just watched an action movie marathon and tried to hit as many cliché action movie lines as possible. Noticeable guffaws also came when, for no particular reason, Bay chose to just have his leading lady standing still, hair blowing in the wind while explosions are set in the background. You could almost see the smile I assume was on his face as he was shooting this scene.

If the writing wasn’t bad enough for you than maybe the music will be. Anytime they want to try and push the emotion to a new level they try and insert some emo-soft-rock. It is the same type of music you heard in the last movie, but it is still just as annoying if not just as cheesy as before.

Not only does he love his music selection but as mentioned before Michael Bay loves his special effects. If one is really cool, but there is a chance you may miss it, don’t worry. Chances are he’ll slow down the action so you can take in everything and be mesmerized by the things his CGI team can do. Most of the effects in the movie are pretty cool, the battles are great and somehow he is able to make these robots in disguise seems real. The moments that check you back into the theater and make you realize you are watching something on a screen are his attempts to use the 3D technology. Reportedly Bay originally has hesitant about using the technology as he believed it to just be a gimmick, that’s right even Michael Bay believes that 3D technology is cheesy. But when the studio said they were going to use it no matter what at least he attempted to control the situation. The scenes in question occur whenever Shia gets thrown towards the audience, and it seems to happen fairly often, the trade off of using the 3D image is usually a less clear image which is an immediate reality check. Hopefully one day they will stop with it entirely, until then though we are stuck with higher ticket prices for a less polished product.

These battle sequences take up a predominant portion of the movie. If you thought it took a long time to destroy Egypt, just imagine how long it would take to destroy a major U.S. city. I wish I had brought in my timer to let you know just how long the final battle takes place, but even Spielberg capped ‘Saving Private Ryan’ at 30 minutes for the opening battle, this finale runs much longer. I hope you don’t have anywhere to go, because to tell his story this movie runs at an impressive 2 hours and 37 minutes.

I rag on Bay a lot in this movie blaming him for a lot of his choices, and while all the criticism, positive or negative, deserves to be tossed his way because he is the director, I don’t hate him. His brand of film making is just not for me, I prefer things like story and writing and character development. While he prefers making the exact type of movie he wants to. And no matter what I or any other critic say chances are you are going to see this movie. Truth be told I’m just jealous of him, and all of the people out there that can sit back and really enjoy this movie, I am just not one of them. F

I Am Number Four

I Am Number Four is based on a young-adult novel that spent six weeks on the children's chapter of The New York Times Best Seller list. It is also the first part of a six book series. No wonder this book was snagged up to make a movie, I imagine all the producers heard was ka-ching. And with producer Michael Bay on board how could this not be a hit.

The movie is about a teenage outsider named John Smith, how outside, well he's from space. He and his eight other Lorien friends are being hunted down by another alien race called the Mogadorians. Three others have already been killed and he is next on the list.

It is never made apparent in the movie why they have to be killed in numerical order, or for that matter why these Mogadorians are hunting them down. I think they tried to explain it, but really it just boiled down to them being giant douche-bags because that's what they do, kill children. But I'd probably be pissed if I had weird gill things on the side of my nose too so I'll let it slide.

Once number three is killed John Smith is escorted out of Florida and on the move again to Paradise. Ohio that is. And there he meets the other hot outsider of the high school Sarah. She used to be a cheerleader, but now is into photography and as we all know photography is the kiss of death in your high school social life. But it was all a matter of time, because everyone knows that Sarah should be spelled without an H, but what do I know. He also manages to piss off the quarterback and befriends the school nerd.

Alex Pettyfer does a solid job as the lead character John Smith/Number 4. If I was going to cast a brooding alien teenager I would probably cast a former GAP model as well. He has already done quite a bit and while he may never reach the teen heartthrob level of Robert Pattinson he could definately become a Channing Tatum. I'm still not sure if any of that was a compliment or an insult.

The movie is at its best when it is dealing with issues of Puppy love. It does well with teenage angst and doesn't linger on it too long before it becomes annoying. Dianna Argon does a terrific job as the love interest. With a couple more roles like this one to prove she can be cutesy and create on scream chemistry, she is probably the most likely of the Glee kids to break out into the film industry. Hopefully not too fast, they still need to win at regionals.

They seemed to have the timing down for this movie, because just as I was starting to wonder when the action sequences were going to start our hero meets his villain. Kevin Durand plays our Mogadorian Commander and has become a staple in popcorn action movies. He plays this character a little over the top, but it's only a little annoying, as it appears he just seems to be having fun with the role. The action sequences are also over the top, but that is to be expected with Bay. Really the most out of place part is that our hero's hands can turn into flashlights. That super power is almost as lame as the kid on Captain Planer who got heart. It also probably explains why he feels the need to flick his hair back so often rather than go and be a tough guy.

Timothy Olyphant obviously does a stand out job as the guardian for number four. He takes over as the bad ass of the film, but his trademark style from Justified is toned down a little so that the kids could shine in this one. Which is unfortunate because if he had been allowed to let loose a little this could have proven to be a darker movie that maybe more of the adult crowd could get into.

But it was never going to be that movie, this movie was put out fast to grab a quick buck and tried to follow a formula. Take the teenage angst of the CW, add the action and love beats from Twilight, find people who love Abecrombie and Fitch, insert some major explosion and you should have a winner. Basically just focus on the aesthetics of the project and everything else should follow. They paid no heed to the overacting of some of the actors and the stale writing.

Thats not to say it is entirely bad, I actually enjoyed the movie. It reminded me a little of Smallville which is a guilty pleasure of mine. I should probably feel a little ashamed of watching it but the story is usually interesting and its trashy enough for me to enjoy it and then forget about it as soon as it's over. I imagine that is how most people will feel about this movie so I doubt we'll get a chance to see this franchise continue unless the box office numbers are staggering. B-