Dark of the Moon

I don't believe Michael Bay has ever met a special effect he didn't like or an object he didn't want to blow up. For those fans of Michael Bay you are gonna get more of the same, maybe even a little darker than his attempts before. For those of you who are fans of non-stop action and that is all you need from a movie than by all means stop reading here and enjoy the film. I am not a Michael Bay fan and maybe that bias gets in the way, but good lord was this a dumb movie.

The film opens up with the audience discovering that the reason we went to the moon was to find Cybertronian technology before those damn Sputniks. With the back story out of the way we find ourselves cut back to present day with an up-skirt shot of Rosie Huntington-White. She represents the new beau in the movie since Megan Fox was replaced, and I can only imagine Rosie was cast due to her extensive acting past. Well she just so happens to be pretty easy on the eyes as well and Bay makes sure you get plenty of gratuitous shots of her throughout the movie.

After she finishes climbing the stairs in just a button down shirt we see that our hero Sam Witwicky is in a difficult situation again and despite saving the world twice still cannot find a job. Somehow despite having incredibly hot women at his feet and a talking car at his fingers he always opens the movie like a whiney little bitch, and this time he may be at his whiniest. Not only does Shia Lebeouf return as our leading man, but he is also accompanied by annoying miniature sidekicks again. This time they are not the semi-racist mini coopers from the second one, but rather they are even tinier, mostly pocket sized. While frustrating that Bay still felt he needed to include campy sidekicks in this movie, at least this time they aren’t as annoying.

Not all the actors in the movie are completely atrocious. In fact there are a lot of big names in bit parts that seem to be in on the joke and are completely okay with hamming it up and being a little extra ridiculous. John Turturro, Frances McDormand, John Malkovich, Ken Jeong, and a personal favorite Alan Tudyk all have some great moments in the movie and help bring some intended laughs to the screen.

There are plenty of laughable moments in the movie, mostly due to the writing of Ehren Kruger and the one liners delivered by the cast. Throughout the movie there were many cringe worthy moments that had many people laughing at what was transpiring on the screen. It was as if Kruger’ had just watched an action movie marathon and tried to hit as many cliché action movie lines as possible. Noticeable guffaws also came when, for no particular reason, Bay chose to just have his leading lady standing still, hair blowing in the wind while explosions are set in the background. You could almost see the smile I assume was on his face as he was shooting this scene.

If the writing wasn’t bad enough for you than maybe the music will be. Anytime they want to try and push the emotion to a new level they try and insert some emo-soft-rock. It is the same type of music you heard in the last movie, but it is still just as annoying if not just as cheesy as before.

Not only does he love his music selection but as mentioned before Michael Bay loves his special effects. If one is really cool, but there is a chance you may miss it, don’t worry. Chances are he’ll slow down the action so you can take in everything and be mesmerized by the things his CGI team can do. Most of the effects in the movie are pretty cool, the battles are great and somehow he is able to make these robots in disguise seems real. The moments that check you back into the theater and make you realize you are watching something on a screen are his attempts to use the 3D technology. Reportedly Bay originally has hesitant about using the technology as he believed it to just be a gimmick, that’s right even Michael Bay believes that 3D technology is cheesy. But when the studio said they were going to use it no matter what at least he attempted to control the situation. The scenes in question occur whenever Shia gets thrown towards the audience, and it seems to happen fairly often, the trade off of using the 3D image is usually a less clear image which is an immediate reality check. Hopefully one day they will stop with it entirely, until then though we are stuck with higher ticket prices for a less polished product.

These battle sequences take up a predominant portion of the movie. If you thought it took a long time to destroy Egypt, just imagine how long it would take to destroy a major U.S. city. I wish I had brought in my timer to let you know just how long the final battle takes place, but even Spielberg capped ‘Saving Private Ryan’ at 30 minutes for the opening battle, this finale runs much longer. I hope you don’t have anywhere to go, because to tell his story this movie runs at an impressive 2 hours and 37 minutes.

I rag on Bay a lot in this movie blaming him for a lot of his choices, and while all the criticism, positive or negative, deserves to be tossed his way because he is the director, I don’t hate him. His brand of film making is just not for me, I prefer things like story and writing and character development. While he prefers making the exact type of movie he wants to. And no matter what I or any other critic say chances are you are going to see this movie. Truth be told I’m just jealous of him, and all of the people out there that can sit back and really enjoy this movie, I am just not one of them. F

Bad Teacher

Growing up I don't know if I ever had a teacher who didn't care one bit. All of my teachers, at the very least, could put on a show so I was none the wiser. It was tough to tell what to expect from the movie, most of the trailers just featured the same one liners that weren't all that funny to begin with. The premise was good and had the potential to be hilarious if it was written from the perspective of a disgruntled teacher, it wasn't. While expectations were low the movie still had all the possibility in the world to offend but never quite gets to that point.

Cameron Diaz plays Elizabeth Halsey, a teacher that we all wished we had while we were going to school, a hottie who likes to show movies all day. She is just trying to get by until she can find a sugar daddy that can make all her dream purchases come true. Elizabeth loses out on plan A, and figures as she is getting older the best way to snag herself a man and compete with all the younger trim out there is with bigger breasts. All of a sudden a new substitute teacher, who comes from old money, rolls into the school and it seems her problems are solved. Now all she has to do is fend off a perky teacher from across the hall and a gym teacher who has the hots for her.

All the actors do a fine job in the movie, but that is probably them at their best, doing a fine job. All the actors seem to play a caricature, but none of them really go for it. We know that Justin Timberlake can be hilarious as seen on SNL, but can probably only go as far as the script takes him, I'm not sure if he knows how to take it to the next level yet. And Diaz gives it her all, but the problem is once again the writing. It is unclear if they wanted her to be as devious, as say a “Bad Santa,” or become the likable lead. They get close to both but excel in neither. In an unrelated note, I wonder what it was like for Diaz to have her character pursue a real life ex.

The better performances come from Jason Segal as Russell Gettis the gym teacher and Lucy Punch as Amy Squirrel the goody-goody teacher from across the hall. They do well playing the opposite ends of the spectrum to Diaz's character. Segal has done great as a completely likable guy and while his character is not perfect, he seems like the only one in the movie who is relatable. Meanwhile Lucy Punch seems to be the nicest character of the bunch which means in a movie called "Bad Teacher" she will be the chief antagonist. As she allows her character to get tipped over the edge she becomes far more interesting to watch than any of the names above the title. Punch goes for it all and it results in some of the funnier moments in the movie. Had all the characters had the same reign as she did, which on paper was probably written the same as the others, this movie could have been much better.

The two latter characters written about are the saving graces of the movie, and probably how they should have written the other two lead characters. This movie advertises itself as a black comedy and while it does have a couple funny moments to it, there is nothing really worth raving about. It is a perfect movie to go see and then no longer have the burden of remembering anything about it. D

Super 8

It won't be for everyone, it won't be for those looking for sci-fi action flick. It is a fair expectation from the few details we gathered from the trailer. In that regard it has every opportunity to let you down, but if you are looking for strong story telling with a loving nod to film makers delivered in the hands of children than you are in for a treat. It has been a while since a movie has come out without any marks of irony, sarcasm, and pop culture references leaving only a well done story about a simpler time, a simpler time of monster attacks.

If you are ever going to steal/pay homage to anyone's film career, you might as well get their blessing before you do so. That may have been what J.J. Abrams was doing when getting Steven Spielberg on as a producer. Perhaps the logic was Spielberg has dabbled with movies concerning aliens and children before so he may offer some sound insight. The truth is they had known each other for some time and both had been looking to do something semi-autobiographical about growing up and playing with Super-8 films. It shows on the screen, while J.J. may be in the directing chair you see a lot of Spielberg influence on the screen from the soft music, to the ambivalent close minded single parents, to the use of a crane to tilt up on a close-up of our hero's face. Spielberg's influence is all over this film, and that is not necessarily a bad thing.

The story is a convergence of two ideas that balanced each other out as neither was enough to fill out a movie. The original idea was one about kids growing up in the seventies and making movies, but the problem was they didn't believe the audience would care. With both having a clear interest in science fiction they then started brain storming about aliens, Area 51, train crashes, and getting it all caught on film. Suddenly they had two films rolled into one with both ideas being in their wheel house.

This movie has caught a lot of flak for never really explaining what it was about, and while the previous post doesn't ruin anything for you, it does give you a better idea of what you are dealing with than any of the trailers have. While neither director wanted to give away too much of the film the lack of details may be working against them as no one knows what to expect. Last time J.J. employed this technique was during 'Cloverfield' and while it did well in the box office it left many audience members with a bad taste in their mouth, probably from the motion sickness. So audiences may not be jumping at the chance to see this new science fiction collaboration.

Really the monster functions as a plot device to get to the real heart of the story. The best parts of the film center on the kids making their movie. The kids are all interesting characters and the interactions between them seem genuine. They play off each other well and it comes off very naturally. Plus Joel Courtney is a dead ringer for a young Henry Thomas, if the connections to ‘E.T.’ weren't clear enough already. Watching the filming process go was a treat. While everyone else in the town is wondering about the strange going ons, the kids are left to finish their project while analyzing the information they have gathered about the crash. I would be hard pressed to believe that any movie lover or movie buff didn't enjoy this movie for this part alone. I'm sure most, if not every film lover out there, played behind a camera before so they can appreciate the young cast doing all they can to create an interesting story. It was these small moments of pure joy that won me over.

The movie lives and dies by the child actors in the movie, and normally I hate kids in films as mostly I just find them to be annoying, but these kids did great. The only name of these rugrats that you may recognize is Elle Fanning, younger sister of Dakota, playing the cute girl from across the tracks. The other youngsters were all grabbed from obscurity, but are all perfectly cast into this endearing group.

The effects in the movie are great and all there for reasons even if they may run a little long, seriously how long can a train crash for. Also useful are all of Spielberg's trademark moves of camera angles and music. If you are going to mimic a style why not borrow the style of one of the greatest directors of all time. The soft music helps to enhance every emotion while each angle seems to reflect whether we are dealing with our kids or our troubling monster and the moment that surrounds them.

The opening hour of the movie was so enthralling I felt myself going through a full gamut of emotions. Reflecting back on the movie I find myself still smiling as the overbearing director/sidekick goes over film making 101 with his make-up artist/our protagonist and then watching as J.J. follows his own rules to a T, it would be rather embarrassing if he didn't. These emotions carried through as the second half of the story focused on our monster which wasn't as compelling. But the care and love of the story shows through the screen and makes it worth going beyond the shroud of mystery to see this movie. B+

X-Men: First Class

Before becoming enemies Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr were allies and good friends. That is till they realized that their views on human-mutant relations were so inherently different that they could no longer work together. You don't need to be a fanboy to know this. Anyone who has seen the previous movies know just by watching, which any decent screenwriter will tell you is the objective, show don’t tell. However the producers decided this was neither clear enough nor a completely profitable explanation. So they have given us the back story to all of the questions no one ever asked. And you still think that the World War Three was avoided through diplomacy during a very tense thirteen days. Pssh.

Matthew Vaughn takes the helm on this version of X-men. Bryan Singer returns to help with the story and while he was offered the directing chair had to turn it down due to other commitments (Jack the Giant Killer). It would have been nice to see what he could do with the story. The first two movies helped propel superheros from men in tights to stories that could crossover into mass appeal. Expectations were high for Vaughn who did good work with ‘Kick Ass’ if you’re into watching a 12-year-old swear like a sailor and get the shit kicked out of her, and who isn’t. With all of these elements and a high rating on rotten tomatoes it seemed the series was making a return to what we loved. What we got instead was a movie that seemed over run with characters, nostalgia, and alienated minority metaphors.

The movie opens with both men as children feeling isolated, not knowing there are more out there just like them. That changes very quickly as Vaughn likes working with as many characters as he can, that way if he feels that the action is moving too slowly he can just switch over to another story. Besides Mystique, who is overshadowed by her leading men, most of the other recruits are one note characters that you could probably understand as soon as you hear their mutant name. Meanwhile Kevin Bacon takes on the role of super villain Sebastian Shaw trying to rid the world of the dominant species and make room for the next evolution of mankind. He takes up most of the screen time for the opposition force, well besides January Jones playing the role of Emma Frost, her casting in Mad Man as the empty porcelain doll housewife Betty Draper is now completely clear. I would have liked to see more of, or at the very least one line of dialogue, from Bacon’s henchmen Azazel and Riptide as they have some bad ass scenes. There are so many characters that come in and out of the movie that it is hard to keep track of who and where they are, and even tougher to feel any level of connection as a member of the audience.

The movie isn't all bad; in fact there are moments that are downright enjoyable. A big part of that are James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender performances. When they are allowed a little wiggle room to riff off each other it seems like there is great potential for the movie. Even in some of the goofier scenes, they make it work. I mean they can't work miracles, forcing McAvoy to put his fingers to his head to show that he is using his telekinetic powers still looks silly and something Patrick Stewart didn't have to put up with. The scenes of them together debating competing philosophies were wonderful, but even when the scene or music, which was so often too cheesy for its own good, called for something ridiculous the two men still had enough charm for the scene to not seem out of place.

The most frustrating part of the movie was trying to follow all of the rules that prequels feel the need to follow: trying to explain everything. When the movie was allowed to just be, and tell its story it was much more enjoyable then when the writers needed to show why Beast was blue. But at the same time, I'm sure there were plenty of fan boys mad that we didn't see Magneto and Charles build Cerebro themselves. So that is a tough line to walk, and it seems the producers were looking to appeal to fans of the X-men more than a wider audience so questions needed answers. I suppose this desire for more original story really goes back to the last paragraph and my enjoyment of seeing these two actors together. I would have loved to see the movie deal more with these two competing philosophies than the creation of the X-men, but I didn't write the script so I'll have to take what I can get.

Don't mistake all the criticism to think that I didn't enjoy the movie; it was fun and a good popcorn flick. Maybe I just had this movie on a pedestal from all the high expectations I had going in. There wasn't too much to laugh about in the previous ones, which I enjoyed in the originals, or at least the laughs that were to be had all fit the characters who were delivering them. There are a couple very funny scenes, including a great cameo and a well placed F-bomb but 'First class' gets a little too campy to be taken seriously. C-