The ExpEndables

This movie is exactly what I wanted it to be. A bunch of out dated eighties stars killing brown and black people. The worst thing that could have happened to this movie is if it became a social commentary. That is probably the only bullet that gets dodged in this one.

Sly Stallone co-wrote, directs, and stars in a movie about mercenaries for hire. Their newest mission is to stop a South American dictator with a connection to drugs and the CIA, holy god even the headline from this movie is from the Reagan era. The plan is simple go in, set explosives, kill them all. They don't bother with computer imaging or stealthy maneuvers as that type of filmmaking clearly flies over the head of John Rambo. What he does know how to do is kill wave after wave of evil opponents.

Bruce Willis makes a cameo as the man who hires Stallone and his crazy team to take down this government. While Arnold Schwarzenegger makes a cameo within the cameo. Assumidly these men were too busy still being relevant and running a state into the ground respectively. Yet somehow this scene still took six hours to film.

The movie sets the tone early with the first casualty in the flick. From there Stallone and company find plenty of visually fun ways to kill pirates and small armies. At one point in the making of the film they could have achieved a PG-13 rating but Rocky instead decides to keep as many expletives as he deems necessary and gallons of computer generated blood that is purely laughable.

Besides Joseph Dredd, Jason Statham racks up the second most screen time and probably does the best with what he is given. He is one of the few big names that can look forward to new casting rather than poorly made sequels to huge hits. The man is the epitome of cool in this one, he's not afraid to show his softer side as he struggles not only with evil doers but with matters of the heart.

Other members of the team include Jet Li, who pulls together a whole bunch of short jokes and only gets one martial arts scene. Dolph Lungren has an off screen drug problem and can't decide what team he is on. Mickey Rourke, a retired member of the team, offers sage advice on the honor behind the mercenary business. There is also screen fillers Terry Crews, who carries a big gun and throws things, and Randy Couture who speaks on behalf of all of those with cauliflower ear. Opposing these men is character actor Eric Roberts with his kickboxing and wrestling muscle Gary Daniels and Stone Cold Steve Austin.

This movie is not meant to be taken seriously, there are too many laugh out moments for that to be the case. Maybe Sly is getting slicker with age making nods to ideas of the past such as bare knuckle fights and phone with cords attached. But on the other hand maybe this is all he knows and the only thing he was ever good at. C+